I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I pretty much get to start at ground zero. All of the skeletons are out of the closet, no secrets, no lies, just about everything is starting over. While this is one of the most liberating experiences a person can have, it’s also one of the scariest.
My wife, of 5 years, and partner of over 11, is leaving today, and not the I’ll be back soon leaving, but the gone leaving. She has secured an apartment just a few miles away from our home, and has just about completed the moving out process. The transitions, while emotional has gone fairly uneventful. The tie that binds us, besides our history, possessions, and debt, is our child. The most awesome little boy in the whole world, at 19 months, he keeps my world turning. I thank God that we are separating before he is old enough to know what’s going on, let alone remember it. His mother and I have been working through all of our issues fairly well, we’ve come to terms on everything including our son. He is going to be living with me, but spending a lot of time with his mother as well. I’ve come from a divorced family and I know what it’s like being the child. I know that I can help guide my son through the pitfalls and potholes that I went through growing up. I say that without negating the hard work of my parents, but sometimes its difficult for a little boy to properly articulate his feelings. I’ll be able to guide him and give him the best possible childhood a boy could hope for, but more on him later.
Now, back to ground zero. Here we are, over 11 years of being in a committed relationship with your high school sweetheart, and then thrust into the bachelor life. I will be keeping the house, a finance burden that I carry for many reasons, some selfish, and some not, but mainly for the stability of my son. My son was, is, and will always be my focal point for many of the decisions I make. I am head over heels for that little guy and I only want to make him happy, but at the same time I get to rediscover me. Having been tied to another person since you were 17 years old takes your life in strange and different directions. Not that I regret those years, but instead of growing up into my own person I’ve grown into a part of a whole. Ground zero is letting that newly empty space grow and be consumed with all things me. I get to relearn all about me unfiltered, unabated, and unedited. I have visions of what I want that space to be filled with. I see myself getting into shape, possibly starting to run some 5ks. I see myself taking trips with my son, possibly exploring some hiking trails, or hanging out around town and getting ice cream. I know what kind of Dad I want to be, and I’ve been pretty close to the mark this past year and a half. However, I don’t think I’ve fully determined what kind of man I want to be. I see the lines of the picture, but I haven’t colored it in yet, so to speak.
What I do know is that these next few years are going amazing. They are going to be filled with such new an amazing experiences for both me as an individual, and me as a father. I am no longer defined by the half of a whole, but I am me, and that’s very liberating, having almost never experienced that before. Now before you say anything, let me back peddle for a minute.
Marriage is an amazing thing. I loved being in a committed relationship. Perhaps loved it too much that I let it define me. Do I want to be in another committed relationship? Absolutely, but I need to find the person who compliments me, not completes me. Who shares my passions and interests, and not just accepts them. Someone who will extend me beyond who I am, but never try to change me. I believe in the concept of Marriage and it’s something that I definitely wish to again be a part of, but under much different circumstances.
So I stand hand in hand with my son, looking down at that beautiful path Robert Frost described in his poem. We are going to take that path less traveled and it’s going to be amazing. I don’t regret anything, my life is not bad, full of misery, or suffering, but it’s not perfect, and it takes work, time, and effort. For me life is not about a goal, a destination, or an final result, it’s about the journey.
-Rich
My wife, of 5 years, and partner of over 11, is leaving today, and not the I’ll be back soon leaving, but the gone leaving. She has secured an apartment just a few miles away from our home, and has just about completed the moving out process. The transitions, while emotional has gone fairly uneventful. The tie that binds us, besides our history, possessions, and debt, is our child. The most awesome little boy in the whole world, at 19 months, he keeps my world turning. I thank God that we are separating before he is old enough to know what’s going on, let alone remember it. His mother and I have been working through all of our issues fairly well, we’ve come to terms on everything including our son. He is going to be living with me, but spending a lot of time with his mother as well. I’ve come from a divorced family and I know what it’s like being the child. I know that I can help guide my son through the pitfalls and potholes that I went through growing up. I say that without negating the hard work of my parents, but sometimes its difficult for a little boy to properly articulate his feelings. I’ll be able to guide him and give him the best possible childhood a boy could hope for, but more on him later.
Now, back to ground zero. Here we are, over 11 years of being in a committed relationship with your high school sweetheart, and then thrust into the bachelor life. I will be keeping the house, a finance burden that I carry for many reasons, some selfish, and some not, but mainly for the stability of my son. My son was, is, and will always be my focal point for many of the decisions I make. I am head over heels for that little guy and I only want to make him happy, but at the same time I get to rediscover me. Having been tied to another person since you were 17 years old takes your life in strange and different directions. Not that I regret those years, but instead of growing up into my own person I’ve grown into a part of a whole. Ground zero is letting that newly empty space grow and be consumed with all things me. I get to relearn all about me unfiltered, unabated, and unedited. I have visions of what I want that space to be filled with. I see myself getting into shape, possibly starting to run some 5ks. I see myself taking trips with my son, possibly exploring some hiking trails, or hanging out around town and getting ice cream. I know what kind of Dad I want to be, and I’ve been pretty close to the mark this past year and a half. However, I don’t think I’ve fully determined what kind of man I want to be. I see the lines of the picture, but I haven’t colored it in yet, so to speak.
What I do know is that these next few years are going amazing. They are going to be filled with such new an amazing experiences for both me as an individual, and me as a father. I am no longer defined by the half of a whole, but I am me, and that’s very liberating, having almost never experienced that before. Now before you say anything, let me back peddle for a minute.
Marriage is an amazing thing. I loved being in a committed relationship. Perhaps loved it too much that I let it define me. Do I want to be in another committed relationship? Absolutely, but I need to find the person who compliments me, not completes me. Who shares my passions and interests, and not just accepts them. Someone who will extend me beyond who I am, but never try to change me. I believe in the concept of Marriage and it’s something that I definitely wish to again be a part of, but under much different circumstances.
So I stand hand in hand with my son, looking down at that beautiful path Robert Frost described in his poem. We are going to take that path less traveled and it’s going to be amazing. I don’t regret anything, my life is not bad, full of misery, or suffering, but it’s not perfect, and it takes work, time, and effort. For me life is not about a goal, a destination, or an final result, it’s about the journey.
-Rich
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